What Was He Afraid Of?

Spent the weekend serving homeless vets down in Costa Mesa. You would think serving this population would have me thinking about my brother but it doesn’t. After all he was never a vet. I doubt he never went near a recruiter’s office unless it was near a liquor store.

But I did think of Paul this weekend. You see I was serving with one of my brothers from other mothers, a young man in my church from the Inside Out Men’s Home all day Saturday. Then Sunday the IOMH Singers led the worship service. It was a conversation I had Sunday that got me thinking.

The man I was talking to has successfully completed his year in the program and he has changed. But he admitted it was hard, especially when other men came and left within that year. Every failure made him wonder if he could do it. Paul went to one rehab program and left early and I wonder if the excuse he made to leave was just covering up his own fear of failure. More often than not, over the years, I’ve wondered if he was so lost in his addiction that he forgot how to be a brother and an artist.

I wish I could ask him if he was afraid to fail or afraid to succeed.

But I can’t so for now I will continue to pray for the success of the men in the Inside Out Men’s Home, including graduates and new residents. I’m confident that He Who began a good work in them will be faithful to complete it, but they too have to faithful to stay the course. And, so I pray that they will not fear failure or success. And when I think of my brother, I will pray that no other sisters have to go through what I have, even though it does have a blessed ending.

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